Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Questions Aren't Evil

I wonder how George W. Bush reacted when sweetheart Laura Welch dropped to one knee and asked him to make her the happiest woman in the world. Or maybe she hid the engagement ring in guide to vocabulary growth that she mischeviously gave him on Valentine's Day.

Clearly, I don't know how the Dubya Bushes got engaged. But I do know that she asked him. How do I know? Because Dubya would never have popped the question. Dubya don't do questions.

Dubya likes simple, clear statements. And Dubya seems perfectly willing to forgive people who massage unclear information to a happy ending if it gets him the sort of clear statements that let him pretend there aren't any questions. Of course al-Qaeda was operating in Iraq before the invasion. Of course there were WMDs all over Iraq. Of course the people of Iraq would greet us as liberators. Of course the costs of the invasion would be paid for by Iraqi oil. Of course. There's no question.

There's no question--of course his administration was ready for Hurricane Katrina. How do I know? Well, in part because he told us so afterward. But mostly because Dubya sat through a long briefing four days before Katrina hit in which federal disaster relief officials told him that the storm could be catastrophic and that the levees might well break. And Dubya didn't ask a question. Not one.

Questions, you see, are for pussies. And terrorists. Pussy terrorists. Anybody who asks questions (Don Rumsfeld and his self-answering rhetorical questions aside) doesn't already know what Jesus would do and therefore isn't cut out to run this great nation. When you're in charge, you know. Or you tell yourself that you know, come hell or high water.

(We had the high water after Katrina, so you know what's next.)

Now, some would say that Bush claiming after Katrina hit that "“I don't think anybody anticipated the breach of the levees" doesn't really square with the fact a lot of people did anticipate just that and then told him so. And some would ask whether the President should have asked some questions earlier or at least told the truth afterward. But then some people are pussy terrorists.


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